The sky is falling.

Grandma is back in the hospital.
It's her breathing this time.
Me and Mum are going to go see her as soon as she gets off of work.
Last week when she was in and had surgery, I wasn't too worried and I new she would be fine.
but now I'm not so sure.
If it is her time to go, it's her time to go..I just don't think I'm ready for that.
which is really selfish of me, but she is a big part of our lives.

Tonight I will do a cirle and focus all positive energies to her well-being.

This empty, out-of-body feeling.
it is really inexplicable
-sort of comforting; yet completely uncomfortable.

I can hear both my thoughts and my words repeating in my head until I don't know which is which & why I was even debating on saying those things in the first place.
Is this what "normal" is, and was my original mindset completely off - or am I just really out of it?
Out of this big bubble
out of reality or so it seems...

What makes it worse is not having something to blame it on..no answer at all, just something completely unknown. & there is no escape from it.

My mind is poisoned-
not from substance but from my own thoughts.

This weekend I think things started to go back a little bit like the old days. Well, it was a step closer anyways. I finally got to hangout with them. And we didn't do the things we used to do, but thats okay because we did have a really good time, and I know we will hang out again, which makes things a wholllle lot better. You have no idea how much better I feel now. I missed things sooo much...

 

Last night was so funny, my parents were way drunk and we went to the neighbors for this party thing and the neighbors are like 10 years younger than my parents, and everyone was wayy drunk and we were lighting off big fireworks and then the cops showed up and the things were still out and they totally saw them but they didnt say anything so it was cool...and they were all playing moose head and it was really funny.

 

 

 

Isn't she lovely
!!

period.

Its really a shame you can't publish a sentence..I'm convinced it would be a best seller..